Week Eight - Confused

this post was going to be so many things. i was going to talk about coming full circle, about how i took my last work trip to Italy and lit two candles this time in the Basilica, one for Isabela and one for Tummymuffin. i was going to be amusing about the amount of gas i have and how i feel like a jet-propelled Muffin Oven sometimes. and i was going to more widely ask for the community's involvement and announce the news. and maybe at some point, i will.
but then we went for a second ultrasound -- the first one was scheduled too early due to a clerical error. and this one showed...irregularities. basically, Tummymuffin is too small and hard to find for an 8-week-old. so i have to have blood work done next week to find out what is going on. it could be as simple as another date miscalculation. but given what happened last time, it is hard to trust and be at peace; to reject the destructive worry and fear. i just have to wait and hope...and i've gotten a lot of practice with that over the last year.
i'm sorry this isn't more chipper but life isn't straightforward, and i've always tried to be honest in this space. so that's what's happening right now, and i hope to have better news with the next post. and then i can talk about all those other things, and maybe even tell you about the adventure of taking Tummymuffin to hear U2 play in Las Vegas.